we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
