I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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