Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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