the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
