I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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