If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
