I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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