Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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