O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
