We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
