my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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