I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
