Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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