dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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