I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
