I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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