you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
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they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
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No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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