I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm both gender and math confused
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
