He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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