I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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