Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
