you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
