im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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