I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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