So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
