he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
