Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
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Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
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Hello my rib-scented angel!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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