she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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