I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
