I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
