I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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