the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
