I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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