i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
