i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
