Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
