No stitches, just platelets and will power
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
