I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
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I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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