Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Don't make out with my wife yet
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
