I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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