Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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