Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
