i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the room spins SO much faster in panama
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper