My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.