I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.