i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
