you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.