Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
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you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
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God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive