after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
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FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.