my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down