is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
honey bunches of taint.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?