I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.