Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My vagina just recognized that song.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
