I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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