ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
