so explain again why im purple
no
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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