I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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