Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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