My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
