Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
