We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
