Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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