I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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