I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
