so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
