The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
