i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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