I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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