i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
