He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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