Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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