Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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