I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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