I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize