we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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