but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
