He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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