I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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