found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize