I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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