Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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