I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
