you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
