return my video game
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
