1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
