I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have post one night stand depression
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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