so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
