cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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