Pants 0. Shit 1.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
whose ass print is on the piano?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
be right there i have to get my cape
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
