New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
