the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You can't special order awesome
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
