Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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