why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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