Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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