I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
