I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
