What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
