I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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