Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
