pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize