weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
