Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
