somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you had me at cake vodka
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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