whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
